Bits 'N Pieces

Sunday, May 9, 2010

A Blog for the Boys.

Alright Men, Boys, and Other Heterosexual Males...this blog is for you, so listen up!! Most of you males are absolutely clueless when a girl likes you, or when she's flirting with you, or when she's stalking you (yes, this does happen), or when she just wants to be friends with, I have taken it upon myself to shed a little light on what's really going on w/ the female psyche. Below is a list of a few basic, but extremely important things that you, as a potential manly-man in today's society need to be aware of. And on a side note, ladies...please comment and let me know if I left anything out...aite?

1. Staring vs. Gawking. Boys, there is a very fine line between these two, but a very broad difference. Staring at a girl from across the room, b/c you think she is beautiful - that is totally acceptable...when/if her eyes meet yours, smile at her!! Duh!! This will let her know that you were checking her out, and that you're man enough to admit to it...(that's what the smiling proves). Staring is okay!! Gawking on the other hand - ewwww!! Females are not slabs of meat, so DO NOT, under any circumstance, treat us in such a rude manner. Do not look up & down our bodies, make eye contact, and then make any sort of grunting sound - this is NOT attractive or acceptable...EVER!! This tells us that you are desperate and horny. Gawking is NOT okay!!

2. Just because we say "hi" & make conversation, doesn't mean we want to date you. Oh, how men misinterpret a girl's friendliness. Listen boys, in some cases, this may be true. For instance, if a girl goes out of her way to say hi to you, and she initiates wanting to hang out some time...there is a pretty good chance that she might be interested, but that is NOT ALWAYS the case. Watch her body language, listen to her laugh - these are dead giveaways! But just remember, sometimes girls are friendly just b/c we're cool like that - don't dig too deep!!

3. Yes, we do stalk you! Men, have you ever wondered how that same girl always finds herself outside of your class when you walk out? Or how she's always so conveniently placed at the water fountain at the same time as you? Or how you always manage to see her in the same place, at the same time, EVERY morning on your walk into the office? Of course you never wondered any of these things - you're a guy!! And if you had wondered about such things, you'd probably be in tune w/ everything else about a woman, and I wouldn't be writing this blog. So, let me just tell you...girls will go seriously out of their way to be noticed by a target of interest. Note: YOU'RE THE TARGET!! Think, boys, think!! Put two and two together - it doesn't take a rocket scientist to make a relationship work!!

4. Fake girls suck!! Yes, this is true...women who have fake personalities, fake laughs, fake body parts, or anything else fake (besides hair color) are usually annoying to most of the non-fake female population. So, word to the wise, DO NOT, in any case, ramble on about how hot Carmen Electra, Pamela Anderson, or Britney Spears are!! Although, we could care less about them, if we hear you talking about them, it could (if we are having a self-conscious, bad day) really piss us off. And even more importantly, if we're having an "ugly" day - yes, women do have these - hearing about how perky Jenny McCarthy's breasts are, or how tight Jenna Jameson's ass is, will only make us feel inadequate. Besides, when you talk about those types of women, it only makes you look like a horn-ball who doesn't appreciate real women.

5. Hott vs. Beautiful. Guys, simply put, always telling a girl that she's "hott" or "fine", gets old. Try opting for adjectives such as "pretty", "breath-taking", "stunning", "gorgeous", etc. Oh, and if you use the word "beautiful" - oh, what that might do for a girl. Personally, I think this is one of the sweetest things a guy can say when referring to a girl's physical appearance. So, although, women might not mind the words "fine" or "hott" on occasion (b/c we definitely need to be reminded that you think we're total hotties), most of us would love to hear something that took a little more brainpower to come up with.

6. Never say the "F" word. And no, I'm not talking about the "F" word that rhymes with "duck", I'm talking about the "F" word that rhymes with "hat" - FAT!! Never tell a woman she is fat. Never tell a woman that one of her friends is fat. Never hint to a woman that she is anywhere close to being fat. Never tell a woman she needs to lose weight, b/c she is getting fat. Do you understand that, boys? She will NEVER, and I mean NEVER forget, and possibly NEVER forgive you for using her and the word "fat" in the same sentence. It will permanently scar her, and chances are, you will be a very single man after that!!

7. Buy her flowers. C'mmon guys, do I have to explain this one?

8. Feelings vs. PMS. Yes, gentlemen, just remember, women do have real feelings. Just b/c we get mad and yell at you, or we cry over commercials or movies, doesn't mean we have PMS all the freaking time. We are emotional, fragile, and understanding creatures - so do not confuse real feelings for hormones.

9. Finally, the most important rule EVER. Boys, I cannot stress to you enough about how important what I am about to say is...and I can guarantee that almost every woman you ask will agree. If there is a woman in your life, whether she is a girlfriend, a friend, a sister, a mother, a cousin, an aunt, or a girl you would like to date...if you think she's beautiful - tell her, dangit!! Picture this - the girl that you've been crushing on for weeks, walks in and she is looking hott from head-to-toe....don't sit back and think it - tell her she looks beautiful!! And guys, even if it's just a female friend, if she looks nice...have balls enough to tell her for cryin' out loud. Every woman needs to know that she is attractive. NEVER ASSUME THAT SHE KNOWS HOW BEAUTIFUL YOU THINK SHE IS!!

And just to end this, ladies, if you are reading this....we should never be afraid to tell each other how beautiful we are to one another either. Women are some of God's most precious gifts, and we should never let a man or anyone else make us feel any less than that. And a word to my ladies, just b/c a man may not tell you, NEVER ASSUME THAT YOU ARE ANYTHING LESS THEN BEAUTIFUL!!

The end.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't get it...

May 9, 2010 at 7:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

that was a funny but true read :)

May 9, 2010 at 9:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good stuff! Should have be titled "what women want"... like the movie lol

May 9, 2010 at 9:03 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mat Duheme, Kev Langdon, Hunter Slawek, Akhil Charangatt, Hilary Brown, Holly Nicole Morris, Justin Burchiel: nice article!!

November 7, 2013 at 9:59 PM  

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